Warrior's into the wild: part 2

Firepaw was on a hunting mission to catch prey for his clan.

All the other cats who are apprentices had to go to different locations to hunt for the trial/hunting challenge.

I didn't realize what was going on until Firepaw pointed out in a internal monologue, that the warrior cat who sent them on the training mission, had in fact set Firepaw up, and was trailing him during the entire exercise to see if he could break Firepaw.

He did so by sending Firepaw to hunt near his old twoleg home, he wanted to see if Firepaw still had feelings for humans and house cats and if he was devote to the clan or not.

Which I thought was reasonable, because Firepaw was born a house cat, and doesn't have wild cat blood.

Firepaw ran into his old house cat friend from when he was a kitten, and exchanged friendly conversation with Smudge.

Basically, in his encounter he discovers Smudge had been neutered
, and Firepaw was glad he left, because he only had one chance to follow his dreams and join the clan of wild cats, and he didn't want to be neutered.

This was a really well paced chapter, and a really good one.

Firepaw; once rusty the house cat really only had the motivation of becoming a wildcat because he dreamt that there was more to life then eating cat chow and being owned by his humans.

But the fact that he only had one chance to join the wild cats or forever be turned down, and that he didn't want to be neutered, is hit home when he see's Smudge and is filled with devotion to his clan knowing that he made the right choice, seeing how fat and docile Smudge had become.

Firepaw was reprimanded for contacting Smudge, and so he basically will have to cut ties with Smudge all together.

Which is sad, because he grew up with Smudge and might want to visit him on occasion.

Sometimes there are actions and decisions that can be supportive where you distance yourself from certain actions/behaviors/people.

For me I'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes, and although I haven't fully come to terms or resloved my relationship to smoking, spending time not smoking for a certain period of time can help me to see my relationship to smoking from another perspective, and could potentially be healthier for me, to support my body.

Or in spending time with people who do certain things I don't want to participate in, where I don't want to blame other's, or make them feel like I'm pushing them away, but taking myself out of an environment I'm not comfortable in, and spending time to focus on myself, can be supportive in certain instances.

In the same way that Firepaw knows he cannot be assossiating with Smudge now that Tigerpaw got him in trouble or doing so, and knowing he will be in even more trouble the next time he is caught visiting with Smudge, maybe Firepaw doesn't want to hurt Smudge's feelings.

Firepaw has to make the decision to stop Smudge even though it would make him happy to do so, because by the time he consequence's come around, he will regret his decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting go of something because I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do or not.

I'm life, one and equal, what's best for me?

Sometimes I'm not sure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a decision to let something go, because I don't know if that's best or not.

I don't know, thus it's a gamble, and gambling isn't best for me.

Shutes and ladder, one step forward, two steps back.

Now I realize what's best for me.

Investing what I have, not gambling it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to gamble, at the chance to get ahead, at the risk of falling behind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take risks, because I'm not satisfied with the life I'm living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take risks to fulfill myself as gambling what I have, for something worth more, at the chance of losing what I have left.

You can take things step by step, or risk breaking your ankle running.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spontaneously take on risks in my life, before I have time to question what is safer, what is more beneficial, or why I have justified risk in the first place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about taking risks in my life, instead of just letting go, and cashing out what's left on the table.

I commit myself to stop, breathe, when and as I see myself about to or in the actions of taking a risk, as I realize regardless of my relationship to the risk, or how I have justified it, I can always muster the  courage, or a reason to stand down, and do something that's safer for me.